Listen and hit ≡ in the player to subscribe on your favorite podcast platform! Or if you'd rather see our faces 👩🏽⚕️🧑🏼⚕️watch it here on YouTube.
Summary
This CareLab podcast episode dives into the challenges and strategies for balancing work and caregiving responsibilities. Hosts Emilia Bourland and Brandy Archie share personal experiences and practical advice for caregivers, particularly those caring for children or older adults while managing a career. They emphasize the importance of realistic expectations, community support, and flexible working solutions, advocating for both personal and employer-led changes to help caregivers thrive.
Key Takeaway
- Set Realistic Expectations: Caregivers can reduce stress by setting achievable goals each day, rather than overwhelming themselves with a long to-do list.
- Build a Support Network: Embracing help from family, friends, or community members can significantly ease the demands of caregiving.
- Prioritize Self-Care: Simple rewards and breaks throughout the day help caregivers maintain well-being and avoid burnout.
- Advocate for Flexibility: Employers can support caregivers by offering flexible work hours, remote work options, or other accommodations, which can foster a more inclusive workplace.
- Embrace Boundaries: Scheduling quality time with loved ones while setting boundaries around work hours can alleviate feelings of caregiver guilt and enhance productivity.
Transcript
Emilia Bourland
Welcome to CareLab.
Brandy Archie
It's Care Lab Day. What are we going to talk about today?
Emilia Bourland
well first, I just want you to notice that I'm obviously in my closet again, but the setup has continued to improve.
Brandy Archie
Yes.
Brandy Archie
That's good. You gotta have option A and option B.
Emilia Bourland
Yeah, yeah, I'm in my closet because my my oldest has a tummy bug, which is the worst. Yeah. Yeah. So it's just like the worst kind of sick. But in true OT fashion, in like 10 minutes, I improved my closet recording situation using power tools, sewing materials, and an umbrella.
Brandy Archie
no. It is. It is.
Brandy Archie
Yes. Did you know that OTs, this is like a prerequisite for OTs. You gotta be able to use tools and you gotta be able to sew.
Emilia Bourland
You basically have to be MacGyver.
And if anyone can guess how exactly I used power tools, a needle and thread, and an umbrella to make my situation better, including the lighting, which I am not nearly so blindingly white this time, I will send you a prize. I'll send you a Care Lab. I will. I'll send you a Care Lab prize if you can figure it out. So take your guesses, leave them in the comments.
Brandy Archie
Okay, good. I have some guesses, but I will not, I will let the people guess so they can get whatever this awesome prize is.
Emilia Bourland
Yeah, like you're not eligible for the prize. It's like, you know, if you work for a company that's giving the prize, can't, they make you sign a little thing. It's in the disclaimer. you work for Frito -Lay and Frito -Lay is giving out a prize, you can't get the prize.
Brandy Archie
I know.
Brandy Archie
There But good job.
Emilia Bourland
So, well, so I thought that the fact that I'm home today caring for a sick kid and also trying to accomplish work brought up kind of a convenient time to talk about how do you work when you are actively caring for someone? Like, how do we get this done? Right? I won't lie. I don't think we have all the answers for this. I don't think anyone has all the answers for this, but
Brandy Archie
Do we have answers for this?
Emilia Bourland
I think that we can just talk, and this isn't even like an occupational therapy discussion. This is just like, let's be human beings who have been in these situations and talk about what we do to make this work when we can make this work. You know what I'm saying?
Brandy Archie
Yeah, I hear you. I think this is worthwhile to talk about. Like, the reason I said, we have any answers is because I struggle with this all the time. But the one thing that I think, I think has been helpful to me is to set realistic expectations. So, you know, I'm not caring for parents or older adults at the moment. I'm caring for babies, little kids. And when they were a little bit younger, for example, my youngest is two.
And when she was a baby and she was like, one, you know, I had people do not know this, but two, I had many, many video calls while was breastfeeding that kid, just below the video screen. And I planned it that way because she would be quiet and I could have the call and then, you know, go on about her day. So that was like a realistic expectation. And, you know, we had a cadence of things. She slept more because she's a baby, you know.
The other two would go to school or daycare until like, that was manageable. This summer, I think I thought I could do similar things, but now this kid is two, she's not breastfeeding, she's running around like a maniac and her siblings are doing the same. And so the amount of work that I thought I could get done to have them be at home was not the same. And I was really frustrated about it. And I just was like, I just had to be more realistic about this. Like if I'm gonna be here with them,
I have to choose wisely what tasks I feel like I can accomplish and how many of them I actually can accomplish and then just set it at that and let it be that. And then do whatever else on the other days.
Emilia Bourland
Yeah, I think that that's probably the best advice is like have reasonable expectations and then set priorities with those. I know I always wake up with a list at least like 10 or 12 deep of important tasks that I would love to have done during a day. But the fact is realistically, if I can truly accomplish like two of those things, that's.
Brandy Archie
Mm -hmm.
Emilia Bourland
not only like more reasonable for me to expect of myself to get that done, but I also do better quality work on those two things. And those two things get completed, right? As opposed to trying to get through, be like Wonder Woman and get through 10 or 12 tasks in a day where maybe I'm not putting in my best effort or the task is really only partially getting done. So I'm just kicking the can down the road. And that's not helpful.
Brandy Archie
Yes.
Emilia Bourland
personally for my stress level, if I'm doing that, because I haven't actually checked anything off my list. I've just pushed it down the way. And then I have to remember what I haven't done when I pick that task up again. So I've definitely learned it's better to have a small number of powerful but accomplishable goals. Thank you. You I was thinking at it, at that as I was saying it.
Brandy Archie
I think it's a word.
Emilia Bourland
But I think you have to kind of prioritize those things. But like you said, setting realistic expectations is the most powerful mindset shift, I think, for getting this done, right?
Brandy Archie
That's what I was thinking. was like, it's really about the mindset. Cause like what you said, like I have, there is an unending list of things to do, right? And I could say, this is a day that I'm going to get 10 of them done. And that's probably also unrealistic. But if I instead set my mind that if I get these two things done today, that's a win. When I accomplish those two things, I feel good about it. And then I can be like, I got a little time. Let me try X, Y, Z. But the exact same amount of tasks could get done, but I have a list of 10 and I get
five done and I feel bad about it, right? So, and then you, that increases your stress level and it's such, it's just like a mind play. So something's definitely got to get done, especially if you're working. but can you find a way to make it so that you do it at a certain time or you consider a certain amount of things that must get done today and, and work around the rest.
Emilia Bourland
think there's like one more thing that I'll add to this and then we can like, then we can move on to maybe our next suggestion for this or other things that we do to try and make this work and make it manageable. But that is something you already touched on, which is when I set a reasonable number of tasks for myself and then I'm able to accomplish them, I usually end up feeling like I have more space in my life left over for that to actually do something that
enjoy or like to do something to care for myself. So if I finish my tasks and I have 20 minutes before I have to go pick up the kids, maybe I take the dog on a walk, you know, if I'm working from home that day. And that's, of course, the dog is thrilled about that. But it's also really good for me to get out and move around, be in the sunshine. I think everyone
Brandy Archie
Mmm.
Emilia Bourland
feels better after a walk. have some of my best ideas when I'm outside like walking and I can just let my mind wander. So there's a lot of value in setting those realistic expectations in order to give yourself a little bit of space, even if it's only a few minutes to really engage in that, know, quote unquote self care that we talk about all the time.
Brandy Archie
Totally true. I think for another suggestion, I would like to dive down this road. So you're home today because you have a sick kid. He's not gonna be sick forever. I was home more time in the summertime with the kids, but that ends when they go to school. But if you're caregiving for somebody, maybe with dementia or something progressive, you don't have an end date to that, right? And so it feels like it's important for your mind. I think all this kind of relates around how you think about it.
Emilia Bourland
Mm -hmm. Mm -mm.
Emilia Bourland
Yeah.
Brandy Archie
to have, I don't want to call them exits, maybe like things to look forward to. And that can be in a lot of different ways. So, you know, my things to look forward to might be a trip, some travel or vacation or something like that, or the kids going back to school. But it might also be, hey, my sister's going to come over and sit with my husband every other Saturday.
You know, and so I know that I'm going to get a break on that Saturday and I'm going to do X, Y, and Z or zero things, whatever is the right thing for you. But that you have these breaks and time points because this is a journey. It's not like a race. And so you need to be able to like pace yourself throughout that time. And the more times you can put in these breaks and these things to look forward to the easier it is to, you know,
Emilia Bourland
Thank
Brandy Archie
manage the stress and the effort of trying to work and care for somebody.
Emilia Bourland
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Like giving yourself little rewards no matter to look forward to, no matter how small they are. Like you look forward to taking a break at lunch, like having a little piece of chocolate or, you know, whatever, sitting and watching your favorite show for a few minutes or really whatever it is, like giving yourself those little rewards to look forward to throughout the day so that you can find joy and pleasure in things.
you cannot let everything become about work, whatever that work is, whether that is your paid employment or whether that is caring for another person or a combination of both of those things, which a lot of people listening to this are in that position, right? When we let our entire mindset, and I feel like mindset is gonna be the key word of this episode today.
When you let your mindset be so consumed by just work and you don't give yourself the opportunity to take breaks and have little pleasures and things to your point to look forward to, then that idea of burnout becomes an inevitability.
Brandy Archie
Yes.
Emilia Bourland
because there's nothing else there. Like that's why we burn out is because we just see this endless grind with no light at the end of the tunnel. Like that is burnout, right? And you start to think, why am I even doing this anymore? Like, what is the purpose? This isn't what my life is supposed to be like. I think it's really easy to go down that rabbit hole for anyone. But if you give yourself those things to look forward to, those little breaks, those little rewards, little ways to find pleasure in life, it's a lot easier.
Brandy Archie
Yep.
Emilia Bourland
little ways to find gratitude even like it's it's way easier to avoid going down that that burnout path.
Brandy Archie
Yeah, and that I like the idea of it being ways to find gratitude because that might not be separate from your caregiving, right? Like, okay, maybe it's the challenge to help somebody get in the shower, do all that and you're like sweating by the end, right? But if your break for the day or your thing that you're having gratitude for is when you guys get to sit down and have coffee and listen to music and we're in our best states, you you're still
Emilia Bourland
Mm
Brandy Archie
You're still watching this person. You should make sure they're safe. But you're enjoying time together and in the midst of that. so building that into your everyday, I think is such an awesome way to think about it.
Emilia Bourland
Yeah, for me, like gratitude as a health care provider has been made my main strategy for avoiding burnout. And I understand that being a health care provider and being a caregiver with someone at home are really different things and they have different demands. you know, rather than feeling like if I've seen, you know, half a dozen patients already, maybe before lunch and they were
each one was difficult in its own way rather than starting to feel like and then knowing that I have just an endless list coming at me right this list is never going to end that can feel really overwhelming sometimes but if I kind of flip that and say wow it is really such a privilege to be able to be here right now and support these people when they are not having their best day when they are in a vulnerable situation like this is a
Brandy Archie
Mm
Emilia Bourland
This is actually the great honor and privilege of what we get to do as healthcare providers. And like, I, when I think about that, I feel it so deeply that it just renews all of my passion for what I do. And then it makes it really hard to feel burned out about it because no matter what, no matter how endless that list is at that point in time, there's one person, I'm one person and we're working together and I have this opportunity.
to bring something positive into their world. And like, that's such a gift. It's just such a gift.
Brandy Archie
And in so many ways, especially as a caregiver, there are so many gifts there. I think, and I think that's easier to recognize when it's maybe when work is not a part of it, but you have to add on the complexity of economics and you need to work. I need to make money to care for you and this person and you need to care for them. It adds a layer of stress. so the other thing I would add, I think that's been helpful. I try to come back to cause sometimes
Emilia Bourland
Okay.
Brandy Archie
it gets pushed aside is creating boundaries around working, right? And so I'm working from home. You could basically be working from home all day, right? And so all day and night. And so if you're working from home because you're caring for somebody, you've got to create whatever boundaries work for you, but create some. So an example of something out of the box, like working from home from eight to five does not work for me. That's just not going to work if I'm watching kids, right?
So I might get up earlier, do my most focused task while they are asleep for the first two hours. That might be that there was two things that I feel like I can accomplish. Let's see if I can get those accomplished before they wake up. They're unpredictable. So sometimes they wake up earlier than I expect, but for the most part, let's get the hard stuff done first, right? Cause I'm a morning person, so that works for me. And then when they're up and going, like literally on my calendar is like,
Okay, we're gonna make breakfast, we're gonna play, we're gonna do an experiment, we're gonna do all this stuff. And then because we've got to spend time together, I'm gonna say, hey, mommy needs to do a little bit of work. You guys get an hour of TV, I get an hour of work. And then, you know, do it like that. And then like create these time points that make sense for what we're trying to do. And then maybe like even on an everyday basis, my after school dinner time is like no work happens then.
and that is my family time. And then I might do a little bit of work after the kids go to bed, but I try to protect that after work time. And so you have to shut it off at some point and put it in its boxes. And your boxes can be organized however works for you. That's the beauty of working from home, but you just can't let the box be the whole day.
Emilia Bourland
So something that you said that I really, really loved was that you kind of build into your schedule, like actual quality time to be with your kids, like with your littles during the day or, you know, to be with loved ones during the day so that you kind of avoid, and I'm putting words in your mouth here, so correct me if I'm wrong, but you kind of avoid that sense of like mom guilt or caregiver guilt that we get.
when we feel like we're supposed to be with our kids and we're, we feel guilty when we're working because we're supposed to be caring for someone. And then when we're caring for someone, we feel guilty when we're caring for them or being with them because we're supposed to be working. It's like this unending cycle of guilt that we can get into, right? But by being intentional about planning to spend quality time with them where you're really present, that seems like it.
Brandy Archie
Yes.
Emilia Bourland
probably helps a lot to say, okay, we had this time, it was really special, it was meaningful, we were all present together, and now I need to be fully present for this other task, and you guys can go and do this other thing, or you're set up, you're taking care of, you you can be more independent for a little while. Like that's, that setting of intentions, which I think goes back to mindset, right, is so, so powerful for avoiding some of those, you know, just guilty.
Brandy Archie
Mm -hmm.
Emilia Bourland
all the time feelings that we can have.
Brandy Archie
Yeah, because you can feel like you're not doing anything well, right? You're like not being a great caregiver, you're also not being a great employee. And if you give yourself these boundaries and you do well within those boundaries, you can say, I did what I set out to do and I'm accomplishing what I'm supposed to be accomplishing. It's in a non -traditional way, because it's not like eight to five, but it's still got accomplished. And then you can feel less stressed out about it. I mean, that's exactly why I did that, because you know,
the kids are getting a little bit older and they're like, why are you always working? You know, and they don't understand that this is like a weekday and I need to be at work, but I'm here with y 'all, you know? And so let's find a way that we all feel good about the time that we're spending so that it is not an additional stressor.
Emilia Bourland
The thing, the other thing that's been really important for me, because obviously sometimes I can't work from home. Sometimes I can't work from home though, is I really rely on my social support system and my community, especially the age that my kids are at now to help out with these things. Like I really rely on having a village where I can say like, hey, I am, I'm
Brandy Archie
Mmm.
Emilia Bourland
like stuck in this meeting or I'm stuck doing this, I'm running a little bit later, can you please grab the kids from school for me and and like take them to your house and I'll pick them up or can you drop them or whatever it is, right? And and vice versa. I also am happy to step in and help other people in my community and in my village when they need that help too. But it has like lightened the load on my shoulders so much to just so.
allow myself to be helped by other people and to help them as well. And then it has also just really strengthened my ties to my community and the relationships that I have. It's just a positive overall.
Brandy Archie
It is, and the one thing you said is really important, I think, is you let yourself be open to having the help, right? Because so much about caregiving is all this duty, right? And this is your husband. And so you said, till death do us part, and I'm gonna care for him. And like, that is duty, and that's awesome, but that's not, you can't sustain on just that. You know, I wanna be a great mom, and therefore I need to be able to make lunch and be at the school and be a business owner and...
Emilia Bourland
Okay.
Brandy Archie
keep the house clean and all the things like who can do all those things really well. Literally not me. But you didn't feel like you're supposed to be able to do that. It's my duty to do that because I'm a caring mother, right? Like the duty gets you started, but it doesn't complete the journey. And so you really, mean, I can't even exclamation point behind what you said enough to be like, you have to find some sense of community. And you might live in a place where you don't have any family.
Community and family are not the same thing. Community is having the people around you who care about you, might be family, might not, and are willing to help out. And y 'all do this back and forth thing. And the things that they're capable or willing to do might not be the same things that you're capable of doing. And likely that's beneficial to them too, right? And so that's what community is about. But you have to be open to having that kind of help and not feeling
guilty about asking for it or using it.
Emilia Bourland
So this next part of the conversation, I actually want to turn towards employers. And I don't know who all is listening to this, but I think that this is an important conversation to have openly and for employers to hear to is because I really believe that when we offer opportunities for flexible work, and I know there are lots of different opinions on this, especially as people get higher up into leadership roles, but.
really believe that when you offer people flexible opportunities to accomplish their work and still hold them to standards of accomplishing that work at a higher level, but when you offer flexibility, it really lets you tap into talent that you wouldn't otherwise be able to tap into. And I think often as an example, like if you, and of course for a huge variety of reasons, know,
by and large and traditionally, if you look at who's out there in leadership roles, these tend to be men, right? These tend to be white men. And partly why that is, and again, there are lots of reasons behind this, but one of them, I think, is the fact that the way that our society has been structured and the traditional roles that we've had in our society, you know, is the man's job.
obviously like back in the day to go out and make the money and the woman's job to raise the kids and be supportive at home. And that's not the way our society works anymore. However, we have this like intrinsic kind of built in system where it makes it so our jobs are structured, particularly like the higher up you go and the more advanced you are. It's structured in such a way that
it assumes that you have someone at home who's taking care of everything for you, right? Who's running the show at home. And so unless you have someone who's running the show for you at home, which is in and of itself actually a 24 hour a day full time job, right? It makes it really, really hard to actually physically be present somewhere and be uninterrupted for those full number of hours.
Brandy Archie
Yeah, that's a good point.
Emilia Bourland
without having a lot of additional assistance and creative solutions. This is why we have daycares. This is why we have nannies. This is why people call in all kinds of extra help to get it done, however you get it done. And however you get it done, that's great. But my point being that I got to in a long -winded way, as per usual, you're welcome, is that when we offer flexible solutions, we allow more people
in our society with different kinds of lives and lifestyles and backgrounds to participate. And that brings so much more talent into the workforce because, I mean, think how many people have not been able to do the things that they wanted to do simply because they weren't able to fit into the rigid schedule that was being demanded. Like, and think what a loss that has been, not just to that person, but for us as a society.
Brandy Archie
Yeah, I was just about to say that.
Emilia Bourland
that we've lost on that amazing brain power that is out there.
Brandy Archie
That's totally true. And this is not like a fringe idea. you are already, your employees are already caregivers. One in six people who work a full -time or part -time job are caring for an older adult or someone with a disability, whether it's a family member or a friend. So that's a lot. If you add in the kid part of it, that's 73 % of workers are caring for somebody else. So that's basically everybody, right? And so like,
It would only make you a better place to stay and work for if you give me a little flexibility to be able to manage what's going on at home and also make sure I get my tasks done. Some things are very time dependent, right? And some things do need to happen. mean, like healthcare is open 24 seven. You can't just be a nurse and work, know, Monday through Friday, eight to five. It's just somebody got to work the weekend and evenings and the open nights.
Emilia Bourland
And you can't just show up when it works for you. That is definitely not how healthcare works. You're there, that's it, and I'm not accepting any phone calls. That's it.
Brandy Archie
Yeah!
Brandy Archie
But on the flip side, many nurses work 312s and that gives them four other days in the week to try to put all the other things into so that they can be focused and present at work when they're there because they're there all day. And that's level of flexibility, right? Like that's a thing we do in healthcare all the time. It's not a thing that we do in office places very often. And so thinking about it outside the box and making sure that the things are getting covered.
but maybe in a slightly different way gives everybody a little more flexibility. I was talking to another business owner who was considering opening another line of business in in -home care. And I was like, okay, great. We need better in -home care providers. However, the biggest problem is keeping the...
Emilia Bourland
send her my way. Higher standards caregiver training would love to take care of their caregiver training needs.
Brandy Archie
I definitely would do that if they decided to do that. But I was like, the primary problem is you can't keep, it's hard to keep workers. There's not enough people who are willing to do this job. They don't get paid enough to do the job. So as soon as there's an opportunity to work for a little bit more, they're to go somewhere else. And who can blame them? Caregiving is hard. This is what we even talk about on this podcast. And they were like, well, I was thinking about opening a daycare and letting it be free to the people who are working for us. then,
be a daycare for the community too. And I was like, if I had an employer that gave me free daycare, I would never leave that job. Like point blank period. I just never leave that job because it's such a big barrier. And like, that's not creating flexible work hours. That's just giving an additional benefit that helps me have my mind at ease and know that my kid is safe and at a place that's affordable, that's free, or even very low subsidized, you know?
And now I can do my work, right? And so there's lots of ways to think outside of the box is what saying.
Emilia Bourland
Yeah, no, I'm so glad that you brought that up actually, because you're right. Different businesses with different business models have different needs of their employees. And we can't pretend like everyone can be in a remote work. Everyone works from home. Everything's like, that's just not, that's not the reality of the situation in lots and lots of businesses. And also of course, for people who can work regular nine to five in an office and they have someone who's at home caring for all their stuff, then that's great too.
There's no, there's like no shade on how anyone's going to get it done. but it's about maybe thinking about flexibility in terms of the options that we're providing to people, because you're right, having a daycare on site or having a daycare that's free for employees doesn't necessarily make that workday more flexible, but it is a form of social support, right? Where, so are we being flexible? Are we providing social support? How are we making it?
Brandy Archie
Right.
Emilia Bourland
so that our employees can really show up and be present and do their jobs. And like you said, I think there's a lot of ways to think about that. And I think that employers are beginning to think about these things more. if I can help encourage or if CareLab can help encourage that thinking in any way, like I'm all about it. Because again, I just have to think how much talent have we lost?
because people can't care for who they need to care for at the same time that they are doing a great job and earning a living. And that problem is not going to get smaller. That problem is going to get bigger, like a lot bigger. So we got to figure it out.
Brandy Archie
This is my thing.
Exactly.
Mm -hmm.
I don't know, I guess we gave a few solutions and a few calls to action. So that worked for me.
Emilia Bourland
Yeah, yeah, like I said, well, I mean, like I said in the beginning, there's there's not like a clear solution to a lot of the things that we talk about on CareLab, right? Like we can't pretend like this is easy stuff. And if you just do X, Y, Z, or if you hit this easy button that it's all going to be worked out, that's just not the case. That's not how life is. But we can think about the choices that we make and the control that we do have and trying to advocate for things. I
really believe that no matter what the situation is, we can always make it better. There might not be a perfect solution. There might not be an easy solution, but we can do things to improve the situation. And so let's do those things.
Brandy Archie
That's a very OT answer. That's why I being OT. We call this, we can make something a little bit better. And you know what, listener, you can make something a little bit better. If you've made it to the end of this episode, you should like and subscribe. You should write us a review and you should also leave a comment and let us know what you'd like us to talk about next. So we can bring, make something a little bit better for you.
Emilia Bourland
It is.
Emilia Bourland
Can't!
Emilia Bourland
And don't forget to guess how you think I use power tools, needle and thread, and an umbrella to improve my closet recording situation here. I will say, if you get it right, I will send you a prize.
Brandy Archie
I'm trying to see what the surprise is.
Emilia Bourland
Yeah, well, you know, I mean, me too. I'll figure it out. I'm excited to see what this prize is also. I don't think anyone's going to get it, but surprise me, that would be amazing.
Brandy Archie
That would be all right. We'll see you next time on Care Lab.
Emilia Bourland
Bye.
Do us a favor and subscribe to the CareLab podcast on YouTube, Spotify or Apple Podcasts! It will help others find our conversations and grow the community and you’ll stay updated with the latest insights and expert advice on elder care.
